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Oct. 4th, 2010 09:24 pmREAL ENTRY SOON. UNTIL THEN, HAVE IRON MAN WITH THE ELECTRIC GUITAR ON TESLA COILS
. . .
boyfriend just informed me that I'm like, two months late with this shit. Whatever. I'm still posting.
( SHARKTOPUS )
( THE GRAVES )
Things I learned from these movies:
1. If you are in a horror film, remember to dress wisely. If you’re male you’ll get most of your survival powers from your six-pack-try to have your shirt open at all times. If you’re female, you’ll want some sensible ‘science’ gear. Cargo pants and a tank top are also acceptable-remember, you want to show off one, but not both, of your assets (T or A, not T&A). Wear a bikini at your own peril.
2. A stick is a much better weapon than a knife, crowbar, scythe, AK-47, or grenade launcher. If the stick fails, try a different stick. Or a set of aluminum knitting needles.
3. Government contracts can be negotiated poolside in Mexico-no signatures required. This might require the presence of a magic sombrero.
4. All civilians should be visibly drunk when meeting with high-ranking military officers.
5. SHARKTOPUS CAN CLIMB TREES. SCIENCE IS AWESOME.
6. There is nothing more important than the comic book convention. Go to the comic book convention.
7. If you want to kill someone, go for the leg. People can survive multiple head wounds and getting stabbed in the chest with few ill effects, but one jab to the leg will get anyone. Or just tackle them.
8. If you suspect that you’re being hunted down by an entire town of crazed cultists, GO TO THE NEXT TOWN FOR HELP. Don’t ask someone else from the same town!
9. 90% of the resort-goers in Puerto Vallarta are women aged 18-25. Unless sharktopus only attacked the young lesbian beaches.
( Butterfly Mittens )
. . .
boyfriend just informed me that I'm like, two months late with this shit. Whatever. I'm still posting.
( SHARKTOPUS )
( THE GRAVES )
Things I learned from these movies:
1. If you are in a horror film, remember to dress wisely. If you’re male you’ll get most of your survival powers from your six-pack-try to have your shirt open at all times. If you’re female, you’ll want some sensible ‘science’ gear. Cargo pants and a tank top are also acceptable-remember, you want to show off one, but not both, of your assets (T or A, not T&A). Wear a bikini at your own peril.
2. A stick is a much better weapon than a knife, crowbar, scythe, AK-47, or grenade launcher. If the stick fails, try a different stick. Or a set of aluminum knitting needles.
3. Government contracts can be negotiated poolside in Mexico-no signatures required. This might require the presence of a magic sombrero.
4. All civilians should be visibly drunk when meeting with high-ranking military officers.
5. SHARKTOPUS CAN CLIMB TREES. SCIENCE IS AWESOME.
6. There is nothing more important than the comic book convention. Go to the comic book convention.
7. If you want to kill someone, go for the leg. People can survive multiple head wounds and getting stabbed in the chest with few ill effects, but one jab to the leg will get anyone. Or just tackle them.
8. If you suspect that you’re being hunted down by an entire town of crazed cultists, GO TO THE NEXT TOWN FOR HELP. Don’t ask someone else from the same town!
9. 90% of the resort-goers in Puerto Vallarta are women aged 18-25. Unless sharktopus only attacked the young lesbian beaches.
( Butterfly Mittens )